Ho hum bum
It’s just one of them days…
Yea, that’s right! It may sound cliche-ish and a few other articles could have possibly started a post off the same way. Well… sue me. Don’t take it personal, but I feel like belting out Monica’s popular and very relevant tune. That’s right, just five days into the New Year and here I go with my stuff. Well, I’m having a “me” moment, all up in my head. It started as I was sitting at my desk working and minding my own business. My co-worker comes in and starts having life chat with me. The chat was flowing well, we chuckled a little, talked about our kids, and our lives, our age and hitting the next big milestone since were both the same age. And it dawned on me, just as sure as I mouthed the words out loud, that I will be turning the big “40” in about 8 months. Not that I didn’t know this, but it’s something about 2012 that makes it more real. At first, I was good saying, I’ll be forty next year, no worries. But somehow saying, I’ll be forty THIS year makes it feel….different.
This is a new feeling, I’ve never experienced before. I’m slightly panicked. Lawdy Jesus, what is wrong with me.
A story comes to mind.
Some years back, a close friend had turned forty. We are exactly 10 years apart so I was thirty at the time. Well, she appeared to be embracing turning forty very well. She planned a party, had excitement and then when her birthday came, she woke up in a funk! She wouldn’t answer any calls; she stayed in bed and would not get up. Later in the day, she finally answered me after I rang her phone off the hook to the 10th power. When I asked her what was going on, she sounded like she was having some sort of breakdown. I told to cut it out and get out of the bed. She told me that she could not. She was explaining how she felt, how her youth was gone, and I just didn’t understand. I kept saying, you are beautiful, you still look young, and it just wasn’t working. She was even talking about not showing up to her own party. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I had to get her out of bed and back to reality. I sat down and wrote her a beautiful poem about how important her life was, telling her all the wonderful things about herself that she had somehow managed to forget. I framed the poem, took it to her. She read it, cried, hugged and thanked me and just like that, her funk was over! She jumped up, began to prepare for her party and did the thing hard like a rock star! We had a blast. I never understood why my friend had those feelings or the mini breakdown until… NOW.
By nature, I’m analytical, and have been known on occasion to over analyze. In any event, I want to know why I’m feeling like this. I’m eight months shy of my birthday and already, I’m feeling some type of way. I know it sounds like craziness! Don’t judge me.
There could be a few reasons why I’ having a bit of anxiety about it. I can’t over think it, let me just say it:
1. My mom passed away when she was young. (44)
2. My mom’s mom passed away in her early forty’s.
3. My mom’s grandmother also passed away in her early forty’s.
4. I’m not married
5. I’ve never been married
6. The fear of running out of time.
Well, there you have it. I think these factors are key components of my feelings towards my next birthday. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not trying to end it or anything, and I thank God for my life thus far, and for my youthful look and feel. Such a blessing. I am human though, and I wonder how many others have felt like this, and how they coped. I’m pretty sure I’ll snap out of this craziness by tomorrow or something, but for now, it’s just one of them days.
Enough of that…
I do have an outfit or two to post. My New Years eve outfit was nothing spectacular. I kept it simple, as I’ve been finding myself leaning towards the simple lately and liking it . We went to a kiddie party earlier in the day, and spent the evening at watch night service. Church service was awesome, and just the perfect way to spend my last night of 2011. What a praise fest we had.
Faux leather pants- Amsterdam Boutique
Clutch- shoppers world
#4 is the only one who doesn’t mind posing for the camera. She’s a natural. Four is wearing:
Sweater dress- gift from G-ma
Faux Leopard Jacket- Children’s place
Hope you all are having a good new year thus far.
Until next time, Peace and Blessings,