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God

Growth.

Don’t like complacency..

Believe that your best days are yet to come.
We weren’t created to just sit back.

Don’t be satisfied with where you are. Break out of that chapter of your life that you keep reading over and over again.

God loves you enough. And he is strong enough to birth newness in you before the year is through.

God will use your confusion to give you clarity.

In order to get your life fixed, you need to know the fixer.

The first step in growing is to expose yourself.

Expose yourself. Let God minister through you.

Nuggets I’ve picked up along the way. From me, to you.

Peace and love,
Dee
xoxo

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I have visions of being cradled by you.
You smelling my first breath.
Giving me my first kiss, and showing me the first love of a man so that I’d know.
Helping me to drive a car, and being that shoulder to cry on.
The guiding voice of reason.
I have visions.
Many visions but, they are false.
Because you weren’t there.
These visions are tangled in the corners of my mind and they warp any sense of what should be, of what could be for me.
When my first love beat me with his fist like the violent rhythms of a nasty drum beat, you weren’t there to tell me, ‘no baby this isn’t how it should be.’
When my legs were pryed open by the first man who said I love you girl, you weren’t there to tell me ‘baby, just because he said it doesn’t mean it’s love.’
Wait for the one who God sends.
You didn’t tell me.
I didn’t know.
Because you didn’t show me the ways of love between a man and a woman, or between a father and a child.
I simply didn’t know.
I got older yes, but still I was messed up inside.
I’ve learned the ways of man by looking through the only glasses that have been provided for me. And these glasses are dingy.
They can’t seem to get clean.
And then, after all, now, you come back saying you want to show me how to love.
You want to show me what to except, and you want me to trust you.
You want me to forgive you because you weren’t there but, you don’t keep your word.
And you fool me again. This time the lesson you teach is one of disappointment, lies, and judgements.
From your lessons I still don’t know what it looks like between a man and a woman.
Now when I meet someone who is truly good, I run.
He wants to love me and it feels all wrong.
I pick him to pieces, searching, looking for that bad piece to fit the puzzle I am so use to.
I self destruct because good isn’t what I’m here for.
Good isn’t what you’ve shown me.
I keep waitin for you to validate me.
Waiting for you to accept me, waiting for you to love me,
love me,
love me.
And you can’t deliver.
And I cry, and die a little more inside everytime you try.
But today, I stand.
I hear a voice. so loud, so clear. so pure.
It’s the voice of God.
He gently tells me, that the validation I’ve been seeking is from my earthly father but “I am” your Heavenly Father.
The father of all nations, the father high in all the earth.
And I am yours.
I kissed you with the sun.
I cuddled you at night, I breathed life into you from that day to the next day to this day.
I was here to show you always what the love of a father looked like but you didn’t see me.
Do you see me now?
I will never leave you.
I will never forsake you.
I made you in the image of what is most important to me.
I gave you gifts, I gave you joy, I even gave you some trials, but I am always here.
I will always accept you,
and I will always love you,
love you,
love you.
You my child, are delivered.

© D. Lavon 2003- all rights reserved
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I know it’s late, or for some it may be early. I was up revisiting some old journals, and I came across this. I thought, hmmmmmm.. This might be good for somebody. So yes, I’m posting it now.
Quick.
Fast.
And in a hurry before I change my mind. This is one of those times when my annoyingly private self is having a full blown moment of transparency.
Let me hit post and log off before I come to my private, secret squirrel senses and hit delete.
Yikes!
By the way, happy July. I completely missed posting in the month of June. Maybe we can play catch up. I have lots to share..

Disclaimer: this piece is not an attack or vendetta against anyone. I don’t bash men, or my father. This is simply Dee. Straight, no chaser in 2003.

Let me know your thoughts on the subject.

Peace & Love
Dee

Very deep within, my soul cries out Hallelujah…

For I’ve tried life, on my terms, sinking deeper and deeper in sin…
I was lost, and God rescued me from the bowels of my own destruction.

Crazy, depressed, hazy, and blinded by my own selfish desires.
Used, abused, shattered, and cut off, a disguise of my own false existence…

Very deep within, my soul cried out, save me…
And he did.

Now I can breathe the breath of life

I can live, I can laugh, I can sing
My refuge, my strong tower, my knight and shinning armor.

A king plucked me from the bowels of my own despair and welcomed me with open arms.

Oh my soul, from very deep within cries out Hallelujah…

Copyright © 2011 D.Lavon- All rights reserved

I checked a text messages and it read:

“What I need right now is a prayer”

That was a text from my daughter earlier today. Immediately, I went into mommy mode panic mode.

The time is 1:10pm

I asked her what happened. She said air was coming fast out of her tire and she was on the highway.

The time is 1:18pm

It’s another text, and this one reads, Omg!  Omg!

At this point for me, the panic is real. “what’s wrong”?

“My tire just blew out, I had to pull over to the side of the road. I’m real annoyed right now, Ugh! I told her to calm down, and look for a spare, call AAA, and… she didn’t respond.”

Well, she said she needed a prayer, so I started praying.

The time is 1:33pm

Yet another text, but this time her tone is way different. She says, “God is real, and I love him so much.”

She then sent me a series of photos. And I thought awwwww, there are still some good people in this world. God will send help to you, all you have to do is call him. That was proof, maybe that she needed because I already know him for myself. And he is far better to me than I’ve ever been to myself..

The time is 1:38 and she was back on the road, riding on her spare.
Look at God. Won’t he do it!
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God bless this man who stopped to help my child.
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I don’t know why I panic really. It’s just my nature as a human being,  but my nature in the spirit took over and everything was alright. I don’t take it lightly. I don’t care how small, slight, or not so big a deal it seems to be. I aknowledge him in all things.

Wont he do it!! And yes, that’s a statement. A matter of fact actually.

Don’t doubt him, try him for yourself.

Peace and blessings,
Dee

“I thought my life was over,  and then God met me in the mist of my mess and basically told me to fight because he had work for me to do.”
– Nicole Elmore founder
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You Can’t Hurt Me No More is a powerful movement that is committed to helping others find there own voice through motivational speaking, life experience,  poetry, stage plays, and more. The YOU can represent many things ranging from fear, peer pressure, depression, debt, anger, abuse, insecurity, bullying, doubt, whatever your YOU is, you have the power to overcome it. Meet Nicole Elmore the groups founder, owner and others that are a part of this movement as they share and explained what YCHMNM is, where it’s going, and how you can be a part of it.

Nicole and I are comfortable with each other. We are apart of a sisterhood and I am one of many women that help serve as an extension of YCHMNM. Even still, I honestly interviewed Nicole as if I didn’t know her for this post so that I could capture the essence of her message.

I started by asking the obvious. Nicole, what is You Can’t Hurt Me No More.

NICOLE’S STORY
YCHMNM Is a poetic, heartfelt movement that reaches the soul and nourishes it.. I started YCHMNM during a difficult time in my life.  I had given up on life and God met me in the mist of my mess and told me I had the power to fight back. I started writing poetry in 2011 and the more I would write,  the better I felt. I was at home with my kids. I shared it with them. They were my first audience. I later shared my vision with other women who I handpicked from my hometown of Allendale, SC.
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and other women I picked from my current city I now live in. I knew we all shared a common ground and I asked them to help me with my vision and they all said, yes!!! And we are not just about women. Men, woman, and teens and children are a part of the YCHMNM experience. Men hurt too, and we have had several men speak out and share their stories. Hurt is not gender, race, or creed related. All people hurt. I am here to reach all people. Since starting YCHMNM, the thing I learned most about myself is that I am a fighter. Amazingly, I never knew this before starting YCHMNM. In the past, I would give up so easily, but my passion for YCHMNM has taught me the strength that I have inside of me. I have received so much positive feedback and support!!! And I truly appreciate all the love.

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So many people have shown their love and support for YCHMNM. Alot of people are hurting out here and when I share my story, I have learned that the power in sharing a story gives others strength to release their hurt. Often times we think we are alone. We tend to think that no one understands. Those thoughts are a set up to keep us isolated. But I am here to tell isolation that you can’t hurt me No more. Even with the positivity others have showed my organization,  I’ve also experienced some hate. I don’t even let hate rent space in my mind. I don’t give it the time or energy. Expect haters because they are confirming that you are doing something great. When I think about YCHMNM in five years,  I sit back and say, WOW..… I am a dreamer so excuse me while I dream.

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I see YCHMNM in movies, on broadway, and with God, there is no limit for my vision and my dream. And to you my sister Dee, I thank you for this positive atmosphere. I love your energy.. Thank you for creating a platform with your blog to raise my voice.. It’s enough of hurting silently.

BRANDY’S STORY
I’m glad to be a part of YCHMNM. My “You” was not loving myself and the skin that I’m in. Now, I’m feeling comfortable about me regardless. If I’m overweight, not loosing weight or just maintaining my current weight,  I’m making sure I love me no matter how hard I struggle. Self esteem is serious and without it people tend to be lost. I wanna be free to be whoever and whatever I am.

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I love what YCHMNM stands for. I love the fact that I am not alone in my struggles in life. I wish I had something like this growing up. I know that other people can benefit from what YCHMNM has to offer. Having a group of positive woman with similar life experiences can really help people. For anybody struggling with issues of weight or self image, I first want to say you are not alone. There are so many people dealing with the same issues. Don’t cover it up like I did with cardigans, and layers of clothes.

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whatever it is,  tell somebody, write it down do whatever it takes to get rid of the stress.  I tell my struggles and the things I’ve done to overcome my issues and offer any encouragement that I have to help anybody with their struggles. People need to know that they are not alone. We seem to think when we are going through things, that it’s just us. Well guess what? It’s not just you. So many people are broken and YCHMNM is the place to help you free yourself. Since I’ve been with YCHMNM, I feel so confident and I have been changing things about myself to help me feel even more confident. I do things for myself now. I put on a little makeup and dress up a little more often and do different things to my hair to step out of my comfort zone, being spontaneous and, I feel great, sexy and beautiful…lol

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I am here being a part of YCHMNM, going to the next level. We are working on getting more involved in the community. Trying to reach out to as many people as possible. You never know who u can touch with your testimony. ..

VERNEA’S STORY
My “you” is many things. I’ve been a victim of domestic violence, I have insecurities, and worry about what others think of me. I have family issues. But the biggest “You” is that I have eczema. To me, eczema is where my insecurities stem from which could have been one of the reason I needed relationships to validate me. 

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Being a part of YCHMNM is a blessing for me and, an outlet. I met others that have been through the same things I have in life. I felt alone for along time but this helps me with unity, sisterhood, and, I get to express myself the best way I know how, through speech. I feel good knowing that I can help others to be more productive in life after the hurt.

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My advice to others going through struggles is to keep moving, believe in yourself, and be the best you can be. If you don’t know how, reach out and use the resorces around you. Life is short, so stop worrying and let it go. Do something, be something, smile, have fun, and live for you. Dance to your own drum. Women are suppose to be strong and fearless, so let your light shine no matter how uncomfortable someone else is with your light.

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Acknowledging your issues doesn’t make you confident, but that’s the first step. It is a process with yourself, and God. Strive for a healthy spirit and life. Except your imperfections,  and finding beauty in you helps more with confidence. My future goals are to be healthy in everything I do. I’m working on starting my own business. I would love to do investigations on a federal level with the big boyz (lol), I want to be a motivational speaker, because I most definitely enjoy doing this with YCHMNM. I want to be wealthy and give back to my peers and youth.

DEE’S STORY
My “you” represents many things. I’ve shared my story of being a victim of domestic violence. I’ve been hurt by gossip, lies, and even some truth. I’ve witnessed the whispers taking place around me,  about me. And I was a victim of that for a long time. It’s been a long time coming, but I now can look all of those experiences in the face and tell them you can’t hurt me no more.

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A few years ago, Nicole and I discovered we shared a love for writing, poetry, and we also shared some of the same pain. When she started YCHMNM I thought it was awesome. I thought it was anointed,  and I believed it was right on time. When she asked me to be a part of her movement,  I was scared to death. I was scared to tell my truth. Scared to expose my hurt,  and terrified of speaking in public. Nicole encouraged me and told me that my story needed to be told. Sure, I’ve been writing my whole life,  but public speaking, out loud?  In front of an audience,  that was not a part of my plan. But God….
Nicole convinced me, prayed with me through my fright, and next thing you know, showtime. It was the most liberating experience I’ve ever felt. YCHMNM gave me my voice back. It boosted my confidence,  and it is something I proudly support. People are hurting, people are dying, and people are being misled. We have no idea of the power that lies within us. We all have the power to change our lives and those around us. YCHMNM is on a misson, and we won’t be stopped.

imageNicole, Brandy, Dee, and Vernea at YCHMNM launch party.

To support and learn more about Nicole Elmore, and You Can’t Hurt Me No More,  visit us up on facebook by clicking the link. 

Most photos used by Michael Lawson for Glow Optical

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I hope all who read this post have been encouraged,  inspired,  and enlightened.
Peace and blessings
Dee

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Does prayer offend you?


This was the question I posed to a group of ladies after witnessing a few become annoyed by a prayer. Let me start from the beginning…

I often pray with and get encouragement from a fellow coworker. She doesn’t work in my department, but her job puts her in close proximity to mines. It’s amazing how certain individuals are drawn together. This powerful woman of God, whom for the sake of this story I’ll call “Deborah” (later I will explain why I call her that). “Deborah” is highly spiritual and without a doubt carrying an awesome anointing. There were three older ladies in the waiting area. Think of these women as the “church mothers”, “the big Mamma’s”, the Sister Sarah’s and nem. All of a sudden, I heard them speaking with “Deborah”. Within seconds, I felt a huge surge. A force so very strong that I had no choice but to go and see what was beckoning me. Those church mothers and “Deborah” were holding hands with bowed heads. Clearly, prayer and reverence was taking place. They were barely speaking above a whisper, but I still managed to hear and recognize a holy language being spoken between them. I walked into the hallway, and was nearly knocked off my feet. Behold the surge. So strong and so high. Lord almighty!!!! I felt it through every bone in my body. I walked around that circle of women and I had no idea what they were praying about, I just made a quick
decision to touch them all, and I said out loud that I was touching and agreeing on whatever it was they were praying about.
That power, the surge, the Holy Spirit that flowed through that hallway couldn’t be denied. Again, I stress that their voices were barely above a whisper. Also, no other “customers” were there. Then, it happened. Four other coworkers walked into the hallway and began to project a look and a feeling of pure disdain. They began to shuffle around and whisper. They rolled their eyes, they shook their heads, and they scurried about some more. The seemed to become unhinged.
THEY WERE OFFENDED!!
But why?
As a believer, I couldn’t wrap my mind around exactly what part of this minimal demonstration, lasting 2-3 mins, tops, offended them!
Was it prayer in and of itself?
Was it the coming together of individuals in mind, soul, and body that they saw?
Was it the holy language that they heard?
Was it because it was happening in the workplace?
Are they non-believers?
I mean what?
A myriad of questions invaded my thoughts. All of a sudden now, I was offended. Offended from their immediate display of disdain. Offended because they were talking about it negatively. Offended because they spoke about my friend. My sister in Christ. Perhaps talking about getting “Deborah” banned from our floor. Hold up…
Say what now..
Ok, that’s it, I’m fading to black.

I went around asking, does prayer offend you? I couldn’t get one person to tell me yes. Not one person. But they continued to hush and scurry amongst each other for the rest of the day. One person told Deborah, I wasn’t offended, but others were. Humph! She was too. Just unable to admit it when confronted. We don’t all have to agree, and people are free to believe whatever they choose. Free will, we have that choice. If you don’t agree with prayer, don’t participate. But to go that far, when this is what the church mothers were about, it was what they wanted, I mean you could see that. You would think that it was praise dancing, tambourine banging, hooping and hollering going on. Their voices were barely above a whisper. I was just, blown. I’m trying to write this with an open mind, to be objective in my approach and all that, and I guess I have failed miserably with this post. I am totally subjective and I have to admit, the way they behaved, it bothered me. It awakened in me a deep hostility. It reminded me of racism, sexism, and all the other isms I can’t find right now in my mind, but please say you get my drift. It just took me to a weird place. Am I overreacting? Is this my stuff? Naw, it can’t just be me. Now, could “Deborah” had moved along elsewhere and not felt the disapproval of the others.
Sure.
Although they weren’t loud, could she had been more discreet?
Absolutely.
But, she told me, “The Lord told me to pray, right then, right there so, I couldn’t disobey. I will not cower and hide. I will not deny my God”. Hallelujah!!!
She moves about doing her job and while doing that, she is witnessing, she is giving a kind word, a warm smile, a positive way of thinking. She is speaking into your life, and you are just drawn to her spirit. If you know the biblical story of Deborah which can be found in the book of judges, you’ll understand why I call her this.
In the bible, Deborah was such a strong woman, a Prophetess and the only female judge mentioned. Deborah helped bring a great victory for God’s people. I’m saying all this to say that sometimes everything that has the ability to shake will be shook. I get that. We all have our assignments, and others have theirs. To me, it was an appointed time. The “church mothers” were like a breath of fresh air. Like angels on assignment. “Deborah” was in the right place at the right time. I found the whole experience beautiful and humbling. It still saddens and frustrates me, that people are often too quick to judge that in which they don’t understand.

Oh well, at this point I’m probably about to start rambling, so I guess I should close out this post. I just really needed to get this off my chest.
And..
I honestly want to know, does prayer offend you? Is there a right or wrong time and or place for this? Please share your thoughts and thanks for reading.

Peace and Blessings,
Dee