Tag Archives: Grief

May I tell you how much you mean to me?

You mean EVERYTHING to me. I wish I could tell you.

Is it too late? Have I missed the chance. How about I hate myself for not cherishing you MORE when I had you here with me.

Yesterday was rough.

Sometimes I get through it easy enough and other times, I’m just numb.

August 18th was my mother’s birthday. I lost her almost 20 years ago.

It feels like yesterday.

I miss her so much.

She was so beautiful..

I had two kids before she departed this life. I wish they had known more of her but they were really too young. My oldest remembers her vividly and still questions why I didn’t let her visit her grandmother in the hospital. I thought I was protecting her, and honestly I thought I had more time. Boy, was I wrong.

My mother did all the right things. She ate right. Was active enough. She never smoked or drank. But her heart, well it was as weak. Perhaps it was the years of abuse she suffered in her early marriage years. Perhaps it was the the broken-heartedness she suffered from having her baby boy snatched from her by that monster of a husband she had. The questions are many, but the answers are few.

She was so gentle and kind. Hilariously funny and truly angelic. Perhaps too much for this world. The only thing I know with certainty is that I miss her terribly. The yearning never quiet goes away. At times I’m going about my day and from out of no where I get a whiff of her smell. Floral and pure. It’s crazy. My daughter tells me she often smells her too.

I know she’s present.

Watching. Looking. Protecting.

But is she proud? God I hope so.

I was twenty- seven years old when she passed.

If only I knew then what I know now.

Well Ma.. what else can I say. Rest on in heavenly peace. Thank you for watching over me and your grandchildren. I know you’ve got the angels working over time because me and your grandchildren are an absolute piece of work! We love and honor you always and forever. We’ll never forget you.


Twelve years ago today, in 1998 my life was changed forever. My mother, departed this life at the tender age of just fourty-four. It was some years back, but for me, it still feels like yesterday. She was beautiful, and warm spirited, and generous, loving, and kind, and she was my mother. People say, they know how I feel, they say she’s in a better place… But, the pain and yearning to see her, breathe her, and show her, that I’ve finally got it right never goes away. I’ve been holding this cry in for two days, and I just gotta let it go….
……. Missing her…….
With God, I’ve I made it to the point of acceptance, and learned that I can continue to live, and love my Mom in spirit, heart and mind. Every now and again, I dream of her, and I appreciate those moments. I notice and I smile at the essence of her beauty wrapped in my children, her grandchildren. I’m so thankful for the life I’ve been given, and thankful that I had a chance to know one of life’s most loveliest to grace God’s earth..
My Momma:



Take a look at her offspring..
Me wearing:
Denim Shirt- Walmart
Belt- Arden B
Blue Skinnies- H&M
Heels- Barefeet
Earring, Bangles- H&M
Watch- daughter’s



My kids were acting like they didn’t want to take pics. Party poopers! I had to sneak a few
Twenty is wearing:
Tee- Urban Outfitters
Denim Jacket- Levi
Corduroy- Levi
Shoes- Ugg
Scarf- Old Navy

Hard to see Fourteen is wearing:
Tee- Target
Pants- H&M
Denim Jacket- Gap thrifted
Boots- Target
Headband- made by fourteen

Twelve is wearing:
Hoodie- Target
Vest- Old Navy
Levi’s Jeans- Target
(isn’t he handsome!)


Four was too busy having fun with her cousins to take pics yesterday. Here’s a recent headshot.
Four is wearing:
White Tee
Flower bow- made by me


We are my mom’s legacy..and she lives on in us each day..

Peace and blessing